Has anyone ever made you think these words, or better yet say them aloud? If they have, count yourself as lucky. That little guy from Moulin Rouge was right..."The only thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"...these are truely beautiful words. And truer ones have never been spoken. Whatever the exterior of someone looks like, I promise you that there is one desire of their heart that they will never lose: the desire to love and be loved. To be needed and to need someone. These are basic human instincts, right up there with needing to breathe, feed and shelter ourselves. We are social creatures constantly craving the aproval and companionship of those around us. From the prettiest, most popular girl you remember from high school to the most emo, don't-give-a-flying-squirrel-what-anyone-thinks-of-me emo/goth kid you pretended not to notice at the mall yesterday; everyone would love to be loved.
"Just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed..."
And just because someone has burned you in your past doesn't mean that everyone is going to leave you or burn you in your future. There really are some decent people in the world. Please don't do what I have done; if someone in your past has done a real number on you, realize it. Own it and learn to love yourself again. No one has the right to do that to you, espescially you. The worst thing that you can do when someone hurts you is to let that hurt lord power over you and change who you are fundamentally. If you are, deep down, a caring and giving person, don't let that time from your past turn you into a cold and uncaring person. If you are normally a trusting and open person, don't let that event turn your heart to cold, immovable stone. Even if the last person you opened your heart to, and let in, threw a raging kegger party, the likes of which would have made the Motley Crue blush, leaving it barely recognizable, pick up the pieces and put yourself back together, because you're worth it. And remember that person you're thinking about letting in? They desire the same thing that you do: unconditional love and acceptance. That person who embarassed Motley Crue? They were just scared; on whatever level, they were scared and couldn't deal with their emotions in a mature and civilized manner. So they did it the only way they knew how: by practicing schaudenfreud and creating pain for another. Pain in another's life is much easier to understand because one can distance themselves from it. Even revel in it. It's more difficult to distance yourself from internal pain. Because internal pain, you can't rationalize, distance yourself from or ignore for any length of time. There are only avoidance and coping mechanisms, whether healthy or unhealthy.
"What makes you think that you are invincible? ...Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable. Impossible"
And not matter how you choose to deal with that pain, remember that no one is immune to the pull of emotion; it's what makes us human. Being vulnerable does not make you weaker by any strech of the imagination. In fact, I personally believe that it makes you stronger, because having the strength to let go takes more fortitude than being "strong" and working through the pain ever does. BEcause we are somehow programmed to allow ourselves to think that crying and feeling defeated are inherently weak ways to feel, or we (especially men) are trained to believe that it is somehow a "woman only" response and that getting emotional, hurt and upset are unacceptable emotions for men to feel. Which is just utterly untrue. No one should need to hide who they are or how they feel in order to be 'socially acceptable.' If you're a guy and you had your heart crushed, go right ahead and have your good, hard cry. Curl up in the fetal position and indulge in your feelings; it helps us deal with them. Then, make sure you're owning how you feel, dealing with exactly what made you feel that way in the first place, and then work towards moving on from that feeling. It's HEALTHY to deal with things, not to bury them so that they fester and create a gaping wound, warping our hearts into something almost unrecognizable. And most important thing to remember in this whole deal is that no one is invincible; everyone has vulnerabilities and desires to be loved. You are not the only one feeling the way that you feel. You are not alone.
I will leave you with a quote from a very wise man, and a brilliant writer:
"Just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed..."
And just because someone has burned you in your past doesn't mean that everyone is going to leave you or burn you in your future. There really are some decent people in the world. Please don't do what I have done; if someone in your past has done a real number on you, realize it. Own it and learn to love yourself again. No one has the right to do that to you, espescially you. The worst thing that you can do when someone hurts you is to let that hurt lord power over you and change who you are fundamentally. If you are, deep down, a caring and giving person, don't let that time from your past turn you into a cold and uncaring person. If you are normally a trusting and open person, don't let that event turn your heart to cold, immovable stone. Even if the last person you opened your heart to, and let in, threw a raging kegger party, the likes of which would have made the Motley Crue blush, leaving it barely recognizable, pick up the pieces and put yourself back together, because you're worth it. And remember that person you're thinking about letting in? They desire the same thing that you do: unconditional love and acceptance. That person who embarassed Motley Crue? They were just scared; on whatever level, they were scared and couldn't deal with their emotions in a mature and civilized manner. So they did it the only way they knew how: by practicing schaudenfreud and creating pain for another. Pain in another's life is much easier to understand because one can distance themselves from it. Even revel in it. It's more difficult to distance yourself from internal pain. Because internal pain, you can't rationalize, distance yourself from or ignore for any length of time. There are only avoidance and coping mechanisms, whether healthy or unhealthy.
"What makes you think that you are invincible? ...Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable. Impossible"
And not matter how you choose to deal with that pain, remember that no one is immune to the pull of emotion; it's what makes us human. Being vulnerable does not make you weaker by any strech of the imagination. In fact, I personally believe that it makes you stronger, because having the strength to let go takes more fortitude than being "strong" and working through the pain ever does. BEcause we are somehow programmed to allow ourselves to think that crying and feeling defeated are inherently weak ways to feel, or we (especially men) are trained to believe that it is somehow a "woman only" response and that getting emotional, hurt and upset are unacceptable emotions for men to feel. Which is just utterly untrue. No one should need to hide who they are or how they feel in order to be 'socially acceptable.' If you're a guy and you had your heart crushed, go right ahead and have your good, hard cry. Curl up in the fetal position and indulge in your feelings; it helps us deal with them. Then, make sure you're owning how you feel, dealing with exactly what made you feel that way in the first place, and then work towards moving on from that feeling. It's HEALTHY to deal with things, not to bury them so that they fester and create a gaping wound, warping our hearts into something almost unrecognizable. And most important thing to remember in this whole deal is that no one is invincible; everyone has vulnerabilities and desires to be loved. You are not the only one feeling the way that you feel. You are not alone.
I will leave you with a quote from a very wise man, and a brilliant writer:
“Love is that condition in
which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert
Heinlein
Until next time
