"Silent night, Holy night..."

All is calm, all is bright...

I know that it's still technically almost a month until Christmas, but I am so in the spirit right now, I don't even want to think about all of the work that I have ahead of me to do; my Lord's Birthday is occupying my brain...Silent Night is one of my favorite hymns; it is so beautiful...

Round yon virgin Mother and Child,
Holy Infant so tender and mild...

Jesus, I pray that everyone's hearts can be filled with the TRUE Christmas spirit this season, and not just with the secular X-mas spirit...it truly saddens and depresses me that not more people remember what Christmas is really all about. I also pray that I keep the Christmas spirit, not just the X-mas spirit this holiday season.

Sleep in heavenly peace,
Sleep in heavenly peace...

It is time for me to sleep now...Goodnight!!!!

~*~K~*~

"Yesturday...Is not quite what it could have been..."

"It seems I get so hung up on / the history of what's gone wrong..."

I'm starting to realize that there's nothing that I can do to fix what was. I can only do my best, through Jesus, who has saved my life, oh so graciously, not because I deserved it, but because He Loves me unconditionally. I can only do what I do each and every day because of Him and what He has done for me.

"...I'm finally catching onto it...yeah the past is just a conduit..."

The past makes us who we are now; don't ever regret things that happened in your past. I know that I don't. If I hadn't gotten so deep into depression and everything else that happened my Junior year, I would not have found God in such a powerful way as I did. And also, the mistakes that we will make will make us who God wants us to be. He chisels us into more of His image with each hardship that we endure, each rough patch smoothing out a sharp corner or taking off a stray bump.

"..I'm on the up and up / cause I haven't given up / on what I know I'm capable of..."

Doing what I know He wants of me is what gives me joy; focusing on what He wants, reading His word, focusing on others' needs before my own, before what I want. The best days that I have are the ones that I don't focus at all on myself. They are the ones in which I am serving and focusing on God and on His people.

"Cause You're the reason why / ...I'm on the up and up... / I'm just trying to be a better version of me for You..."

Being the best I can be, each and every day, all for Him.

In Godward Focus,

~*~K~*~

"Great is Your faithfulness, oh God..."

"You wrestle with the sinner's heart..."

There's nothing I can say that will excuse my actions towards You in the past; however, in Your infinite mercy and grace, You have wrestled my sinful heart to the ground repeatedly and take n control. There's nothing that could possibly ever give me more joy than being Your child. Than knowing that You gave Your life for my sins, to keep me from enduring the punishment for my sins, which will be death. You gave me the way into Heaven and there's nothing that you can give more and there is nothing that I can ever give that will be the equal gift. Thank you so much. I Love you so much. All I can do is give You my life.

"You lead us by still waters and to mercy..."

There is nothing more calming than knowing that You are here for me; I pray that You keep me close and that You bring be into a place where You want me and where You are going to grow me into Your image.

"...Your Grace is enough/Your Grace is enough for me!"

Please keep me from relying on myself and going through my life hurting the people that I love. Relying on myself is what gets me in trouble. Your Grace is what sustains me in the hard times and what I can rejoice over in the great times. It gives me joy and allows me to breathe each and every day that You choose to keep me alive upon this earth.

"So remember Your people/Remember Your Children/Remember Your promise, oh God!"

There is no way that You would ever leave any of Your children; throughout Your word, You repeatedly promise to be with us, "even to the end of the age." I know that You are always there; You will never be able to be equaled by any one person on this Earth. We are called to emulate Your Love upon this earth, however we are no more than a poor reflection of Your ultimate, unatainable unequable Love. You are truly amazing. I Love you.

Desperately needing You,

~*~K~*~

"How many times can I say/ I'm sorry..."

"...Well you know, you can run/But you can't hide...."

Sometimes I wonder what's going on in other people's minds. If I were a mind reader things would be a lot easier on everyone, because then everyone's problems would be easily solved. No one would be able to lie to me and tell me that nothing is wrong, that they aren't upset with me when they obviously are, and what exactly "frustrated" means when they use it to mean fifty-million different things at different times.

"We've had our problems, but I'm on your side..."

If you could just tell me what you're thinking, verbatim how you're feeling and thinking it, when you're feeling and thinking it (not a week later), then I guarantee that we would have fewer fights because I wouldn't misinterpret what you're saying/feeling/thinking/experiencing/etc... and you would have fully expressed your problems and thoughts and feelings to me. All the cards would be on the table and it would be easier to form a connection that way. To figure out a path to a solution.

"You're all I need. Please believe in me."

Even when we fight, or things aren't going as well as we would like them to, or we feel any type of "negative" emotion towards one another, I can still honestly say that you are the only one that I need. You are the only person who I can honestly say makes my life complete when paired with God. We make a perfectly imperfect triangular relationship with Him. He shows us how to repair our relationship, however a lot of the time, we don't listen and we end up making things worse while attempting to fix the problem ourselves.

I know that it's not the easy solution, however, if Jesus had taken the "easy way out," we would all be on the fast track straight to hell, no matter what kind of life we lived here upon this earth.


Needing Him Desperately,
~*~K~*~

"Goodnight My Angel, time to close your eyes/And save these questions for another day..."

There are certain things that a girl just continues to wonder about, no matter how well they are explained to her. Like why some people just seem to be blind to what they need to see the most, or how the time you really want someone to call you, they never seem to, or how even though you know someone Loves you with all their heart, soul and strength, when you haven't heard from them all day, it kind of makes you wonder/worry. I'm not upset; I just want to know what's going on. I want to know that you're okay.

Lord, please protect him and all that he does tonight; I'm not sure entirely why I am as worried as I am, aside from the failed calling attempts and things happening the way that they are.


Needing Him,
~*~K~*~

"Taste the saline rolling down your cheekbone..."

Sometimes, there's nothing left to do but cry. Even the Son of God cried...the shortest verse in the Bible..."Jesus wept." (John 11:35)

From the time we are very small, from the womb, almost, we are conditioned to cry when there are circumstances beyond our control, which we desperately want to take control of. This is very pertinent in my life at the moment; a situation is much beyond my realm of control and I feel like all there is left to do is cry. But I can't...I need to; but I can't. I should also allow myself to be picked up by Daddy and rocked in His huge arms, comforted by His strong heartbeat...wouldn't it be nice if life still worked like that, folks? Daddy picks you up, gives the booboo a kiss and folds you into a huge bear hug and all your worries just fade away? I know it's not THAT simple, but I also know that my God will do all of those things; they're just more subtle.

The kiss on your booboo (which instead of a scraped knee is a broken heart or shattered spirit) is instead an uplifting passage of scripture or an exceptionally powerful spiritual experience; the huge bear hug is no longer two huge arms enfolding you, but rather an entire congregation of believers helping to carry you through your problems.

Lord, please take this problem from my heart, mind and spirit. I don't want to have to deal with it anymore...I know that I am weak without you and have not the strength to stand up under my problems without you. I am holding out my arms; please scoop me up into Your powerful arms and allow me to feel comforted again, as I was as a young child, safe and secure with my Daddy.


Needing Him Desperately,
~*~K~*~

"Once again I look upon the Cross where You died...."

"...I'm humbled by your mercy and I'm broken inside..."

It's true. I am broken inside; and He will use that brokenness in order to bring glory to His Holy name. I know this now; I was fighting it before, but I realize now that I can indeed be used, no matter how battered and bruised I see myself as. Because no matter how many times I fall down and come crawling back to Him, Daddy will always pick me up again and set me right, setting me to His path "Once Again".

"...Once again I thank you....
Once again I pour out my life!!"

So the least I can do is live my life completely for Him and not look back. That's what this post is for; to let the world know that I am no longer holding back. I am thanking God for what He did in His Son, Jesus Christ. He has SAVED ME!! And I shout His praises forever from the tops of the heavens; I have renewed myself in Him and I am aiming to deepen my walk at His side. I want to tell all my unbelieving friends about the belief that has turned my life around. I will lift His name to the highest place of honor and sing His praises all the rest of the days of my life!!

"...Now you are, exalted to the highest place
King of the heavens, where one day I'll bow..."

One day I will join My Jesus in Heaven and look down upon all of those that I loved in this world, finally able to see what He had seen along: the influence I had (could have right now!!) on the people closest to me. While I'm here on Earth, though, I am simply to bask in the wonderment and awe and reverence of His Grace, that beautiful and FREE Gift of Salvation that He has given to all who would accept it!! OOOOH PRAISE BE TO GOD AND OUR LORD AND SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST!!!

"...But for now, I marvel at this saving grace...
I'm full of praise once again!!"

There is nothing else left to say but thank you, once again, Jesus, for allowing each one of us the ultimate chance of a lifetime, literally, to be able to do the work of Your hands!! To be your blessed hands and feet, which were pierced all those years ago; and for what purpose? To hang You from a tree for MY TRANSGRESSIONS!! I don't understand it, but I am eternally grateful , literally. My eternity is grateful for the opportunity to spend it with Christ. It is B-E-A-U-tiful!! : )

"...Thank you for the Cross....
Thank you for the Cross My Friend!!!"

Needing Him and Serving Him,

~*~K~*~